scatter sunshine

i think caroline is the reason the walk ways outside our apartment are so clear and free of ice. some people say that salt takes care of the ice problem, but really i think it's god looking out for his number one girl.

guess who i'm about to go party with

ck invited me upstairs to hang out with her tonight. i'm freaking out a little bit. oh...what should i wear?! i'm so nervous. what if i freeze up and get too nervous to speak? should i prepare a list of conversation topics to bring with me? help!

puff daddy

caroline has the warmest winter gear. i saw her this morning wearing a jolly-looking puffy coat. i was so jealous that i took our spare key, ran upstairs and stole all of her winter coats to have as my own.

and i'm wearing all of them.

right now.

i'm sweaty.

(disclaimer: only part of this entry is true. i will not tell you which part.)

She's Doing Something Mysterious Tomorrow

And she won't tell us what it is. Something about some dude? It just doesn't feel right for her not to tell us everything. But good news, we're NOT afraid to take matters into our own hands.

there is a package

on her doorstep. or at least there was while she was out of town. it was delivered from st. george. what do you think is in it? i'm thinking drugs. or maybe christmas presents. not that drugs couldn't be christmas presents.

This Comes From

An email from a friend regarding our landlady's reaction to the angelic tenant upstairs known as ck:

i told her i wanted to move in and that i knew people in the building.
she asked who i knew, and i said [ck] and you guys. no
offense, but she flipped out about caroline. she was, like, peeing
her pants over caroline. i think she used the word "angel." so she
got my number and said she'd call me the minute something came up!!
yay! i'm sure she likes you guys too, but she gets a little orgasm
from caroline.

Need anyone ever say more?

I hear

she has THUG LIFE tattooed across her shoulders. But we can't get visual confirmation, as Cee is a modest woman.

And I STILL

Find myself often thinking about that creamy cinnamony chocolate pie. How she do all that she do?

Sexy Soup?

Is that a good new hip hop name for her? It's hard. There are too many good options for Miss Cee. Propah.

Her Cinnamony Chocolatey Creamy Pie

The other night was RIDICULOUSLY delicious. Even though I've done it multiple times, it caused me to propose to cee AGAIN. (and to say some off color things). It took me like 20 mins to eat my piece. I slowly savored.

I AGREE WITH ELIN!!!

I Love Her, And All...

But I really wish she'd make us her Red Velvet Cake soon.

it's been a long time...now i'm...coming back home

i was thinking today that i never want to move away from park street. i looked at all the other streets as i drove around on my errands and thought about how totally boring they all are compared to caroline's street. i mean, where else can you walk out the door and have your pick of a dozen stray cat friends for danny to bring inside and play with you? where else can you hop into bed late at night and discover a scarecrow there waiting for you? where else can you find mormons and hookers and crack rocks and a guy to hand wash your car for you all within 100 yards of each other? where else might lee and lisa be moving when they get married? where else does caroline actually live!?!

if you can think of a better street than ours, you're probably just fooling yourself. cause also allison is letting us put a ping pong table in her spare room. add that to caroline's food storage room and, you know, funnest street ever.

the KING of all quizzes

i took a quiz online once that said i was 33 percent gay (that's one-third). i also took a quiz that told me what kind of volkswagon i am (old beetle). and i also took a quiz about how high my iq is (180). since i've become so adept at taking quizzes, i think it's time to develop of a quiz of my own. i like to call it the which park street resident are YOU? quiz leave your quiz answers in the comments to find out who you're most like.

question 1- how tall are you?
a) short
b) average
c) about as tall as caroline
d) very tall

question 2- what would be your perfect date?
a) dinner and a movie
b) freebasing coke
c) washing each other's cars
d) having a rap battle

question 3- what color are your eyes?
a) blue
b) blue
c) blue
d) brown

question 4- how good are you at arm wrestling?
a) not good
b) pretty good
c) way good
d) i find this question offensive and a little sexist

question 5- how many hip hop bands do you have on your ipod?
a) less than 3
b) less than 10
c) less than 20
d) as many as caroline has

question 6- how much do you care about cats?
a) i dont care about them because i'm cold and heartless
b) kitty babies!!!
c) there's always room in my heart for one more cat
d) i'm allergic

question 7- how loudly can you burp?
a) as loud as elin
b) that's impossible, no one burps louder than elin
c) i never burp
d) i only burp when it's appropriate to do so

question 8- (fill in the blank) when i'm coming home from a long, hard day i like to sit back and __________.
a) then get up and bake treats for the millions of people who love me
b) plan my outfit for the next day
c) stalk all of my old boyfriends on the internet
d) eat myself sick off of answer a's treats

question 9- how big a sports fan are you?
a) i have season tickets to most local sporting events
b) i only feign interest in sports so boys will like me
c) i played basketball in high school
d) i think they're mostly annoying and sound like "sshhhhaahhhsshhhw"

question 10- where would you prefer to practice role-playing?
a) in a theater
b) as part of a civil war battleground re-enactment
c) in front of a mirror pretending you're on top model
d) in your roommates bedroom

I wonder

When she'll get back from her vacay. I miss that lady. And her delicious baked goods...

Paparazzo

The mexican party house next door to us got dish network installed today (if you can imagine THAT house getting any funner...) and when we discussing our neighb's activities at dinner tonight ck says "i wonder what it would be like to have paparazzi following you around all the time". I think cee deeply underestimates her own popularity. She does have paparazzi following her around. We know what she does, day in, day out.

You know you love me...xoxo.

on the street where you live

somebody was just screaming "carl you fuckin bitch!" at full volume, over and over for about 3 straight minutes. the voice was coming from upstairs, but i'm pretty sure it wasn't caroline. she's resting peacefully...

aren't you ceek?

Scarlet/King?

But maybe cee could also be the austin scarlet of our caro-plex? Just think about it, creative, classy, sweet, sensitive, sassy, crafty, impeccable taste, beautiful bone structure... the list goes on and ON.

Lager

We here at headquarters have been thinking more about some cee-lebrity comparisons and here's a good one...Karl Lagerfeld!

Now, I know what you're thinking. What could CK and KL possibly have in common? He's an old man who's pretty much nuts, has the worst case of sunglasses disease ever on record, and (probably) runs around threatening things like "prepare to receive the seed of LAGERFELD" when he feels like his models aren't paying enough attention to him. Meanwhile CK is, as always, the picture of poise, refinement, and politeness. But here's the dill. KL is a trendsetter. Bat-shit crazy though he may be, he put Channel on the map. And you know what, what KL has done for Channel, CK has done for Park Street. Suddenly enough, EVERYONE wants to be our neighbor. I mean, we're turning people down left and right over at the Caro-plex. Sometimes Elin and I, in our weaker moments, like to indulge the thought that everyone wants to live by us, but we know what's really going on here. We see it. It's the smell of baked goods wafting from an open upstairs window that lures everyone to our neighborhood.

And we're fine with that.

it's 11:23 pm

and i think i hear a fan going upstairs. does that mean cee is pooping? or maybe just cooling off?

Holla!

I just wanted to give a little shout out to my girl CK. No one is more kind and charitable. Do you know how many times recently hooner and I have wanted to bake something. We start baking and we realize that we don't have key ingreds. So what do we do, but run upstairs and get some flour or some sugar, or just a little moral support. We love that sass.

Dew Unto Others

I heard this story recently from a guy who worked at convenience stores on both sides of the tracks dividing the Salt Lake valley. He says that on the east side, they always run out of diet coke and on the west side they always run out of mountain dew. I was going to write a post likening caroline to the addictive, high-class qualities of diet coke but, you know what, fuck that shit. Cee is totally the mountain dew type. Subtly nuanced, yet down to earth enough for the everyday working man.

Two Transvestites and a Goat

Caro got back from California sometime last night. When asked what she was doing there, I responded in a series of pelvic thrusts and satisfied grunts. I can only hope that CK had as much fun on her real trip as she had on the trip I imagine she took.

This Just In...

caroline and michael phelps will NOT be getting married, due to the fact that phelps is the product of immaculate conception. and we all know that guys without earthly fathers dont get married.

this will probably be hard on ck for a while. he was her chosen one. her lamb.

Big news, guys...

Caroline's getting married! to Michael Phelps! He says she's the only person who can cook well enough to maintain his 12000 calorie a day diet. oh and they love each other. they'll probably get married right after the olympics, assuming he doesn't get abducted by terrorists or eaten by the chinese or something.

The owls are not as they seem...

and when i say owls, i mean cats.

if you've been to our complex you know that there's a ton of cats that hang out on our front lawn. i've always attributed this to the relative shadiness (literally and figuratively) of our complex BUT...lately the cats seem to have disappeared.

strange right?

so here's what i think. care got that new iphone recently and around that time the cats mysteriously disappeared. could the cats have been working undercover? monitoring carolines daily ins and outs from the front door? it makes sense, i mean, now that she has the iphone anyone can triangulate her position, rendering those cats basically useless. or possibly redirecting their watchful eyes to another, less tech savvy target.

like, oh let's say, chi chi?

She Has Been Very Sick Lately AND

She got an i-phone!! She's very excited! She loves it! It's so cute and small. It's one of the new white ones. We need to bring her some popsicles.

I can tell you this about motorcycles

She hates them. What good, safe sense we see from our Cee. Safety first!

Could She Be...

The modern-day Elizabeth Taylor? Well let's see:

ET: Despite her fame and unprecedented contracts, despite her oscars and nominations, she's never had good press

CK: (That certainly isn't true of cee)

ET: She's no "hoity-toity" movie queen, lording it over the plebians; she's a nice lady who wants to please

CK: (She certainly does like to please...with baked goods)

ET: The early Liz represented a world of wealth and beauty; she is charming, responsive, bright, a good listener, compassionate

CK: (Hell yeah man)

ET: The later Liz is a parody of Hollywood vulgarity, flashing rock-like diamonds, donning garish portable tents, painting her lips and nails jungle red, cussin' like a stevedore.

CK: (I dont know about the cussing, but rock-like diamonds? that shit sounds gangsta)

I Think She Might Have Gone Bowling Last Night

She invited me to go, but I couldn't. So I'm not actually positive about whether she went, but I assume so.

Let's Pause for a Moment

Let us pause our speculations on ck for a moment to remember the late, great Heath Ledger. He is to appear as the "Joker" in the upcoming Batman movie. So it will seem that he is still with us, which will be spooky and chilling. But he is not.

Let us speculate on what he may be doing right now in heaven. Is he cloud surfing? Flirting with angels? Playing with puppies? I wonder.... Will he watch Batman: The Dark Knight on opening night? Is he reading our blog? Is he as concerned with the safety and well-being of ck as we are? I bet you he is.

Some Strange Bathroom Behavior

We think she forgot to shower this morning. Actually, she started to, but then she changed her mind.

Cough Cough

Ceeks was sick yesterday. She had some dvd's delivered to her door. Insiders tell us that she watched Arrested Development and the Red Shoes.

OH!!!

And! I can't believe I forgot to post this. She got a pedicure, possibly and manicure, and some other grooming things done last Saturday. Make sure she knows how great you think her toenails look!!

what's the big occasion??

It sounds like ck is wearing high heels today. I wonder if she's been wearing them all day, or if she's getting ready to go out tonight? I know she's a classy lady and it wouldn't be unheard of for her to wear them all day long for no special reason. But I've also heard her in the bathroom quite a bit. So it makes me wonder if she's getting ready for something special? If so, what could it be?

You Want In...

On this?

We'd like to assemble a task force that will help take our ceekay spotting to a more professional level. We need volunteers to sit on our couch night and day and keep a log of her various day to day activities. When you hear a toilet flush, write it down. That kind of thing. It's a full time job, keeping track of one girl.

SYTYCD

Caroline and I watched so you think you can dance last night. She likes twitch. She was also spotted at the koko kitchen, eating outside with no sunglasses to speak of. That's our caroline! Always braving the elements.

i know this much.

I was with her tonight!! I know she was in Provo and we ate birthday cake together. I kept track of her up until about 11pm, so I have no guarantees of how she spent the rest of the evening. Hopefully hoon can add in the rest of the deets.

Oh Boy

Caroline's back at work. She's on g-chat. If I could blog and chat at the same time I'd ask what she's thinking about.

HIGH ALERT!

Cee is back in town today! Prepare for this blog to be all abuzz with CK updates and theories, and possibly some interviews with people as they leave her house!

I think she might be getting central air...

I don't have any new news about Caroline, but I guess I kind of do. I think she might be getting central air this week. I heard people talking about it and I've seen some maintenance guys around. So that's exciting.

Still gone...

Caroline is still gone. I've noticed that her car has been parked in the exact same spot for several days now. I wonder when she's getting back. I saw her leave a couple days ago with a rolling luggage and a couple of girls, so I'm assuming they're the ones who took her to the airport. I hope Caroline gets to eat at Fenton's while she's out there. I know how much she loves it.

5/29/08 10:12 am

I'm in the Phoenix airport, but even from here, I have a feeling that Caroline is on Taraval street in San Francisco. She's probably thinking about cupcakes.