This Just In...

caroline and michael phelps will NOT be getting married, due to the fact that phelps is the product of immaculate conception. and we all know that guys without earthly fathers dont get married.

this will probably be hard on ck for a while. he was her chosen one. her lamb.

Big news, guys...

Caroline's getting married! to Michael Phelps! He says she's the only person who can cook well enough to maintain his 12000 calorie a day diet. oh and they love each other. they'll probably get married right after the olympics, assuming he doesn't get abducted by terrorists or eaten by the chinese or something.

The owls are not as they seem...

and when i say owls, i mean cats.

if you've been to our complex you know that there's a ton of cats that hang out on our front lawn. i've always attributed this to the relative shadiness (literally and figuratively) of our complex BUT...lately the cats seem to have disappeared.

strange right?

so here's what i think. care got that new iphone recently and around that time the cats mysteriously disappeared. could the cats have been working undercover? monitoring carolines daily ins and outs from the front door? it makes sense, i mean, now that she has the iphone anyone can triangulate her position, rendering those cats basically useless. or possibly redirecting their watchful eyes to another, less tech savvy target.

like, oh let's say, chi chi?

She Has Been Very Sick Lately AND

She got an i-phone!! She's very excited! She loves it! It's so cute and small. It's one of the new white ones. We need to bring her some popsicles.

I can tell you this about motorcycles

She hates them. What good, safe sense we see from our Cee. Safety first!

Could She Be...

The modern-day Elizabeth Taylor? Well let's see:

ET: Despite her fame and unprecedented contracts, despite her oscars and nominations, she's never had good press

CK: (That certainly isn't true of cee)

ET: She's no "hoity-toity" movie queen, lording it over the plebians; she's a nice lady who wants to please

CK: (She certainly does like to please...with baked goods)

ET: The early Liz represented a world of wealth and beauty; she is charming, responsive, bright, a good listener, compassionate

CK: (Hell yeah man)

ET: The later Liz is a parody of Hollywood vulgarity, flashing rock-like diamonds, donning garish portable tents, painting her lips and nails jungle red, cussin' like a stevedore.

CK: (I dont know about the cussing, but rock-like diamonds? that shit sounds gangsta)

I Think She Might Have Gone Bowling Last Night

She invited me to go, but I couldn't. So I'm not actually positive about whether she went, but I assume so.